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Wednesday, March 4, 2015

A Series of Starting Over: Second Chances

Second Chances:  A Series of Starting Over

SassyGalBeauty Presents:  Starting Over

So, I've been away for quite some time.  I had a whole lot going on in my personal life and just honestly couldn't emotionally manage any extra pressure on myself.  While I've still not worked through it all, I decided that by walking away from the one thing that has brought me some joy and a sense of purpose, I was only hurting myself more by walking away.

One of the things that I felt lead to do was to document my journey as I try to make some changes in my personal life.  We all go through our ups and downs and sometimes we all handle those highs and lows in different ways.  Personally, I tend to shut down when I go through stresses, especially if I feel that I have no control over my own life.

Starting Over:  Second Chances

Mental instability has plagued our family for generations.  Sadly, it didn't skip my son.  My son has a bipolar and ADHD diagnosis.  He is one of the sweetest kids I know 90% of the time.  However, there are those times when he's not the fun loving kid, but a different person takes over.

One of my son's issues he has been plagued with is an awkward social skill set.  He hungers for acceptance of his peers and so he has always been easily mislead by his peers.  It has gotten him in a lot of trouble and sadly caused him to be targeted by adults that should know better.

Our Story

I just feel lead to share the experiences that we've encountered over the past few years.  In order to do so, I will give you a bit of background to catch you up on our fun life....

I am a recovering addict.  About ten years ago, I lost custody of my children  After a few years of working like crazy to try and turn my life around and after completing a rehab program, in January of 2013 I was awarded custody of both of my children after an eight year seperation.

During the time when I had lost Cody, my son was placed in a group home for his behavior issues.  So, moving into our new home was a fresh start for us all.  We had found a nice little mobile home in the country and we all really looked forward to starting our lives together.  Sadly, it wouldn't take long for those hopes and dreams I had for our little family to come crashing down around us.

Peer Pressure

Everyone I'm sure can remember the awkwardness of being 13 and just wanting to be liked.  Cody was no different.  I was excited when I found that there were a couple of boys close to his age that lived in the neighborhood.  However, one afternoon that happiness soon dissiptated.

My son and an older kid (Much LARGER kid - literally about twice Cody's size) showed up at my home both in the back of a police car.  I was told that they had tried breaking in a home, but that they weren't admitting guilt.  They had my son get out so I could talk to him and I urged him to tell the truth, because making mistakes is one thing but NOT owning up to those mistakes was a completely different ball game.

After speaking to my son he told the truth that day.  We went to court, both kids were punished for their part in the incident.  They never actually made it inside the house, thankfully the house was armed with an alarm.

Since that time, the other boy has since been expelled twice for having possession of marijuana on his person at school.  

Small Towns

One of the things that drew me to our neighborhood was the fact that we were out in the country and I figured what better place to raise your children.  However, being in a small community has it's pros and it's cons.  Sometimes it seems that people in the country have nothing better to do than to start rumors or to gossip....

After "The Incident", kids would move in our neighborhood and Cody would get excited about the prospect of new friends.  He then would come home upset because the parent's wouldn't allow their kids to play with him.

As a mom, it's extremely heartbreaking to watch as your child is ostracsized by a community for a stupid mistake.  A HUGE stupid mistake, but regardless a mistake.  Cody had tried to reach out to our landlords to try to offer his services to cut the grass and other various chores as a way to try to pay his debt off himself.  He was told no.  However, shortly after Cody had asked, the OTHER kid was outside doing just that.

It soon became clear who it was that was telling people and "warning" them away from Cody.  However, it didn't take many parents long to figure out that Cody was a good kid, just had made a mistake.  Not all parents were like this, but a few were.

There were a few instances where items came up missing in the neighborhood and Cody was quickly the prime suspect.  Each time when the truth would come out, not one time was it found to be him.  We have lived like this for over two years now.  It reached a boiling point however, when Cody's friend (The landlords "Grandson") told Cody that he had heard that the reason he had been in a group home was because he had abused his sister.

That's when I really realized how big this thing was we were dealing with.  When my son in two years hadn't gotten into ANY trouble, these people were now resorting to malice and slander that was EASY to disprove (Since there was actual paperwork regarding his stay at the group home).  I don't understand how adults could make up lies about a child, especially lies so heinous that could truly plague him for a lifetime if believed.

Stress Boils Over

We have been without a vehicle or any type of transportation for over six months.  During this time I fell into a deep depression and honestly wasn't the best mom in the world.  The stress I was under naturally carried down to my own kids.

My father had come and stayed with us for a few months, but abruptly left one Saturday morning when our power was out.  My father and Cody had always had a very close relationship and so it hurt Cody pretty badly to feel abandoned by him.

Back at the end of December, the stress we were all under came to a boiling point and Cody had an episode where he lashed out, and I called the police to calm him down.  Then, a week later, a neighborhood 22 year old man gave my son alcohol and another neighbor gave my son marijuana.  The mixture of the two made my son, who doesn't have much if any experience with either extremely sick to the point of throwing up.  

My daughter called the police / ambulance because we were scared.  He wasn't coherrent and wasn't making much sense.  The people who had given him drugs refused to leave my home and had to get a neighbor over to make them leave.

After this incident, we were then evicted by our landlords for the police being at our home too many times.  

Second Chances

Since being evicted, Cody wrote an angry letter to the landlords after seeing me breakdown and scared to death at the thought of having NO WHERE to go.  They filed a harrasment report against my son.  Combined with the harrassment charge and the other incidents, my son has now been sentenced to pretty much "Youth Prison".

I'm not acknowledging that my son doesn't have problems nor that I have my own issues.  I do however, have an issue when our family has been targeted for years because of one mistake.  If you push anyone enough, you will find their breaking point.

Even today, as I type this, I have no clue where we will go but I look forward to hopefully having the opportunity to once again make a new and fresh start.  Everyone makes mistakes, not everyone gets caught and has to pay for those mistakes.  Hopefully, with everything that Cody has gone through he will be able to take those things and only make a better life for himself and not make it worse on himself.

Unknown Journey

You know, I've met a lot of people in my life that are incapable of seeing their own faults.  Seeing such behavior has always made me very self aware of my own mistakes and shortcomings.  I find that when people cannot see their mistakes it truly prohibits self-growth and betterment.  Learning from your mistakes become an impossible task when there are "no mistakes" in which to learn from.

I have no clue where we will go, our landlords basically told me today they don't care where we go and if we have nowhere to go but that I needed to leave.  It's pretty scary not knowing where you'll be laying your head, but I have faith that God will provide a way for our family.

Journey into the Unknown

I plan on trying to document our journey into the unknown.  The struggles and obstacles starting over can throw at you.  I know that our family has been through hell and are still standing and we shall overcome this as well.

2 comments:

  1. Cindi Evans FornicolaMarch 5, 2015 at 8:46 AM

    wow Jessica !! that is a lot for anyone to handle :( that I ssooooo un fair !! I grew up in fla in a trailer park and on paper its a great idea but the reality of living there is way different . I lived there on and off from 5yrs old to 14 yrs old then moved back at 19 yrs old then to escape again at 22 I now live in NJ and I can understand not all but a lot of what you are going thru I can under stand your need for peace and just a little normalcy . its really not to much to ask . unfortunately for some reason these community's just seem to fester the very opposite of what they should be :( its a phenomena. my mom was a single mom and did her best I was that kid excited for new friends that would move into the neighborhood and the parents would be so quick to judge .so high on their pedestal . hay news flash you live in a trailer park too JO !! any way I feel for you and your family its hard but harder if your in recovery there is nothing I can really do for you except for emotional support :( you guys will be in my thoughts and prayers (((((( Huggs )))))) Cindi

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  2. great post! It is hard to handle one thing after another - or not even after but during! I cannot wait for you to get out of there and start your "new" life! Xoxoxoxo

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